Posted by: emilyosburne | June 5, 2009

The Empty Feeling

sad girlWe can appreciate the sunshine because we have experienced the rain. We understand the beauty of the mountaintop only after the journey through the valley. I can remember a time in my life when I felt very unfulfilled. Honestly, I was feeling lost.  It was my freshman year in college and nothing seemed to be going how I had planned. I was confused about my major and had no clue about what the future held.  For one semester, I lived in an apartment by myself and I felt so alone and disconnected, like no one even knew that I existed. 

I can remember driving around Auburn in my silver Lumina and crying uncontrollably.  I did not even know what to pray or what to think.  I just knew that I wanted to cry.  I had been wanting to cry for months and that night, I just let it out.  Surprisingly, I felt a little bit better the next morning.  I think it is because I finally admitted that something was wrong. 

Have you ever experienced a time of confusion and disillusionment?  When did you finally admit that everything was not perfect?

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Responses

  1. I am a planner. I always have been. I may not have always written down my dreams and goals, but they have always been tucked away in the filing cabinets in my brain. My plans have always given me peace and security, and for the most part they have become reality.
    All of my plans however, were turned upside-down on September 11th, 2001. After 10 years of marriage, I had just given birth to our first child. I was pleased to have quit my job and was now a stay-at-home mom (I had always planned it that way). My husband, a newly hired pilot for a major airline had just landed his dream job and was on a 3 day trip laying over in New York City. We were terrified when we heard the news that morning of the Twin Towers. He had flown in a few hours before and could hear and see things first hand from his hotel room window. We were so thankful his aircraft was not involved, and for the days that followed- he was in the city to witness all of the shock and sadness of the tragedy first hand.
    When he returned home a week later, we soon learned he would be laid off from his job. That was certainly not in my well laid out plans. I questioned everything. We were both incredibly angry. We turned to God in prayer, but the reality was that we had a baby and a mortgage with no income.
    In October, reality hit me that the plans that I have made for my life won’t always turn out exactly the way I had planned them. I had to go back to teaching for a year and my husband was the stay-at-home-dad. Not exactly his dream job, but he was great at it and it worked for us. God is good and he provided me a wonderful job to provide for our family.
    We grew closer as a couple and a family as a result of our struggle. Eventually, I did get to stay home again with our daughter. After five years, two flying jobs, a move across the country and back, and another baby – my husband was re-hired by the airline. Our plan took a huge five year detour! God was with us through it all and taught me a lot of lessons in the process.

    • Robin,
      I had no idea you went through that. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I cannot imagine what that must have been like.
      Emily,


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